I went away this past weekend to a Leadership Development Seminar. It was filled with experiential learning activities that basically held up a mirror to me and told me exactly how I show up in life.
It was both brutal and eye-opening.
I had no idea that my actions had the power to hurt others so much. I didn’t know that by me taking myself out of the game, I actually caused other people pain.
And that is exactly what happened. Sometimes the activities were so hard that I wanted to quit. If I didn’t have support around me I would’ve taken myself out — it was because of some good people in my life that I didn’t.
What I found so interesting was how much people wanted me there and how me choosing out affected them. I had always thought that it didn’t make a difference — that if I left, people would just keep going on with their lives. I saw that checking out caused people a great deal of pain.
They fought for me when I didn’t fight for myself.
They believed in me when I didn’t believe.
They lifted me up when I wanted to quit.
And as hard as it was, I chose to let them support me. I learned that needing help can actually be a very powerful place to be — when I choose to accept it.
So what did I learn going forward?
I learned that at times it gets hard and I really want to quit; in those situations I need to fight for myself and stay the course.
I learned that quitting is not an option and either is checking out or not giving my all.
I saw that my chicken exit is to run away when things get really hard; in doing that I thought I was helping others by removing myself.
What I found is me leaving, choosing out, taking myself out of the game actually hurts people.
These were huge realizations for me.
And what did my choice to leave and push away all come down to — my self-worth. I didn’t see myself as worthy enough to love, fight for and believe in myself.
When the toughest things show up in our lives and we are squeezed to the point of total exhaustion, how do we show up? What comes out when we’re squeezed? For me it was the desire to run. For you it might be anger, sadness, putting up walls, disengaging or even love.
Only you truly know this answer to this question when it comes to your heart and soul.
If you’re in a position right now where you can see that your actions are not serving yourself or others, it might be time for a change. Maybe you’re like me and you don’t even see how much your actions affect others. If this is you, I would encourage you to ask for feedback. Ask people you trust how you show up and if your actions, words and life help to bring others to a better place.
I know deep down that I want the best for others and I don’t want to be a taker. That doesn’t mean I always show up that way. I showed up as a taker and the feedback I got will propel me forward so that I can give more of my heart in the future.
We all have our struggles. We all have pain. We all suffer (often in silence) and have trouble asking for help.
I want to live with an open heart — open to possibility, support and love. I only get these things from others if I stay in the game. I hope that if you are reading this and want to check out, you will choose to stay in the game too. People love you and need you in this world. You are doing them a disservice if you quit.
Focus on love, not fear.
Love yourself and know your worth.
Today I am practicing the beingness of worthiness. Today everything I am will answer the question “Would a worthy woman do this?”
What do you want to step into today? What beingness do you want to take on?
Have a fantastic day — the world wants you!